Not My Fight

"For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.”

Deuteronomy 20:4

Much of one's life is looked upon as a journey that involves obstacles, unforeseen tragedies, and a series of difficulties that at times takes courage to overcome. It is seen as a voyage of traverse terrane in which one most plow through with solitary valor. Somehow we so often miss the mark. Why is it that we always believe that this fight for our life is a battle fought alone? I'm not quite sure where the intent for this life somehow got so immensely misconstrued.

Why do we walk alone?

Because we are afraid...?

Or do we wallow in egocentric, obdurate lack of submission to aid?

Either way, we have come to this general speculation that life and all of its contretemps were meant to be endured unaccompanied.

Are we strong enough? Not even close. It is in His strength that we have victory.

Isaiah 40:29

Do we have what it takes? Not likely. Our empowerment comes from a far grander source.

Luke 24:49

Do we know the outcome? Rarely. His path is far more thought out than our own.

Proverbs 16:9

But are we trapped? Hardly. He is the hand which reaches down and liberates.

Isaiah 61:1

What we face is real, how we face it is really what counts!

Ruminate an enigma

The existence of life is an interesting concept; all of these mortals coexisting amid the obvious differential setbacks. We are a society of history, flawed with pain, mistrust, apprehension, trepidation, betrayal, shame, grief & bitterness. We live to work; all of our expenses go to a home that we are indebted to for years, and we purchase things that bring temporal relief that in the long-run leave us broke & broken. The society in which we live in is so far buried in self-gratification that we've forgotten how to live with purpose. We are a society clearly flawed, but we don't have to perish that way. The entire point is that an existence without the knowledge of that which fabricated it and allowed it to come to pass, shall remain a flawed existence filled with desolate befuddlement.

C.S. Lewis phrases it this way, "A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell."

You can only avoid the reality of the purpose behind existence but for so long, then you are faced with the truth. This is a truth that cannot be dodged by merely immersing yourself in denial and repudiation. The validity of the truth of His purpose behind the existence of mankind will soon be made known and even a lunatic in a cell will find their knees dropping to the ground and their heads at a humble bow.

As I still at times find myself foolishly questioning the intent behind such an existence, I am reminded that as I ruminate on my purpose, me a seemingly bizarre enigma, I am reminded that I am to never question His creation.

He Writes My Story

I've always loved a good story. Now you couldn't pay me a hundred bucks to read something boring and without a good plot, but if you give me a little action & intrigue, you may have a dedicated reader on your hands. As much as I could read many stories and find myself wrapped up in the creatively articulated words of others, I found that I too have a story and I must begin telling it. The odd thing about my story is that I did not write it. My story is only a few chapters in with many more to be written; it may never be published but it will surely have its pages thumbed through. The story is dedicated to me but the author is the genius behind its work. When I discovered that He has been writing my story all along, I realized that I would be a fool if I neglected to share it. Keep in mind that this is only the beginning of a beautiful new chapter. But for now, here is the story He has given me...

my shame, beyond words

my pain, beyond verse

the scars, so evident

my heart, not so pleasant

no comfort in mortals

our relationship, once cordial

once a distant figure

now a constant member

your touch no tangible

but your love indescribable

I have finally reached

the place of your feet

my past does not bind me

deceit shall not blind me

your name on my heart

the separation no longer a part

this journey terrifies me

your peace is what shall be

your joy is all mine

I will no longer dine

for the world's feast decays

your table is what stays

may I feast on your glory

as you write my story

One day I aspire to step out beyond the world of blogging and find myself in the pages of a book that has yet to finish being written. And whether published or simply a tool used to embolden others, my story is still one that I do not write on my own. He is the words in my heart as I begin to share the journey of this life that only He can make of merit. He writes my story, but who is writing yours?

Pure Talent

This past Wednesday at my church's youth group, the kids had a chance to exhibit their talents on stage in front of all of their peers. We had some rapping, foot massaging {{hey somebody's gotta do it}}, & dancing. In between acts, we saw some phenomenal videos from America's Got Talent.

Here are the two they showed; my life was forever changed.

First we have Future Funk! :)

I want to take baby boogaloo home with me!

Secondly is C.J. Dippa! :)

I hope my child is never a "playa" at age 11, nor would he know what it meant to have a long distance relationship before hitting puberty. But hey, I gotta give it to the kid...he's got talent!

Things that matter

Someone once told me, it's not where you are but whom you are with that makes life all the more beautiful. In life I have visited many beautiful places, traveled miles to locations that are breathtaking, and experienced the swift passing of a highway as I ventured out into another setting for a short moment in time. I have been to countless places in the world but the essence of joy in life has been found in a place I'd like to call home. This is a place that can't geographically be described, nor can it quite be minimized to the four walls of a building. This home that so often gets overlooked is family. I have journeyed through a many seasons in life with some being more painful than others. I however am able to gaze back upon each moment and realize it was my family that made everything in life monumental. My home has been wherever my family resides.

Let me tell you a little bit about my family. My oldest sister, Jenn is an inspiration. She has been married for almost three and a half years to her best friend and the father of her 7-month old baby boy, Caden. When she's not teaching music to elementary kids, she is playing the triple role of a mommy, wife & incredible friend. I am highly convinced that she could burp Caden, root Jared on from the sidelines {her husband is a Varsity basketball coach}, & skype Mom and I all at the same time. Not only is she a supporter of many but an incredible artist; she simply has a knack for crafty creations. :)

Christy is my other older sis whom inspires me substantially as well. Christy and my brother-in-law, Matt have been married for a year now. When she's not being a new wife as well as mother to their only child Bailey {their cat}, she's doing all she can to help others; she's a nurse! Christy has the gift of taking care of others. Aside from assisting patients and tending to their needs, she is always caring for those around her. She is also very involved in singing at her church on a weekly basis. Christy is crafty like Jenn as well and has quite the creative eye.

And now we've got Cindy, my mother that is! :) This blog would be endless if I began to describe her in full. She is a rock and someone I look up to in utmost respect. When she's not working, helping out at the church, or catching up with friends, she is being an amazing mother. It's pretty cliche I suppose to say that she is the most extraordinary mother in the world, but words truly can't begin to describe how much she has provided. She appreciates all of the things that make my sisters and I individuals and unique, yet she loves us equally. She is constantly thinking about other's needs before her own. However, aside from her attentiveness to people, her strongest quality is her faith in the Lord that is unwavering. I will be lucky if I turn out to be half as amazing as her one day.

I just introduced you to a few of my favorite people in the entire world. If you only knew how amazing they were, you would understand that these words I use to articulate to you my gratefulness toward them, truly won't suffice. As amazing as these individuals are in my life and although they have found me at a place that I call "home", there is a love and a joy beyond what I discover when spending time with them. If I can love these people in my life to the extent that I do, then I can't even begin to fathom the love that my heavenly father has for me. The very man who exudes and is the epitome of love, cares for me more than anyone in my life - that is formidable! So these people that I speak of, I would give my life for. I cannot begin to imagine a life without my family and those that I love. But the love of my heavenly father is even more powerful and I never want to go a day without His presence in my life.

Someone once told me, it's not where you are but whom you are with that makes life all the more beautiful. I want to spend my life in companion with the Lord. This is a place that can't geographically be described, nor can it quite be minimized to the four walls of a building. I have found my home and in Him I will rest. These are the things that matter.

Some of the simple things...

I'm not sure if anything quite tops yesterday - Patty-cake on steroids is pretty brillant so bare with me as I try to impress you today with my words ;)

So I was thinking yesterday of some "loves" or probably better phrased as "likes" of mine - the simple things in life that make me grin. I am currently listening to the Adele 21 album so I'll go ahead and add her to the top of the list {{there is no particular order of preference according to favorites}}

1. Adele

This music is perfect for any occasion. Put me in a little coffee shop for hours or out a night on the town {{Hampton Roads that is -haha}} - Adele just puts me in the mood for some good times.

2. Coffee, Coffee, & more COFFEE

Coffee at work, coffee in the mornings, coffee at 2 a.m., coffee with friends, coffee alone....I have a bit of an attachment to coffee.

3. Red doors

I have this odd obsession with red doors. I'm not even quite sure when it begun but whenever I see a quaint little house with a red door, my heart leaps with excitement.

4. Fresh flowers

There's something therapeutic about having fresh flowers in the house to remind me not just of the life I have through Jesus Christ but to remember the beauty He has created in the sheer simplicity of nature.

5. Owls

Whooooooo's judging! haha...that was a pretty weak joke. I do however have an odd obsession with anything that has to do with owls. Now my precious little nephew has taken my place and has the cutest little owl bedroom & bathroom. Check it out on my sister's spectacular blog!

6. Polaroids

There's nothing better than the dated look of a polaroid. With everything going digital now, I truly miss printed photography and especially polaroids.

7. Paper

I have a strange love for paper. I find great joy in going down the office ailse in stores. I love all sorts of paper & journals. However, paper is never as fun when it remains blank - you better believe I will always fill the empty space.

8. Dancing my signature dance move

If you put in a request for the Valencia arm pump, your life will be forever transformed! haha {{for the worse or for the better}} ;)

9. Painting

I wouldn't say I'm great at painting, but when I need to express myself, there is nothing better than a splash of color upon a canvas.

10. Trains

If I hear the sound of a train, I usually smirk a little in excitement. I don't know what it is but I just love trains!

11. Weird toenail polish colors

I'm not a pink and red kind of girl. Sometimes my nails are yellow, purple, turquoise...I don't know, I just love odd colors.

Patty-Cake on Steroids

Ah hah! I gotcha!

I thought this blog title might catch a few curious eyes. :) I was watching Rachael Ray this morning and she brought these two incredibly talented, innovative & somewhat hipster guests on her show and I just had to share what she highlighted. This guy and gal are Irish dancers who decided to then translate their typical dancing of the feet into a "hand dancing" if you will and do choreography with their hands.

Check out the video HERE. I think I've found my new calling in life! ;)

They also have a McDonalds Hand Dancing Commercial they did. My, my, I have never been quite this uniquely inspired! :)

Now tell me that doesn't wanna make you get up {{or rather sit down}} and bust a move!

"Is there chocolate? Is there whipped cream? Is there caramel, an expresso you mix in? I MUST BE DREAMING!!! You're caramel mocha is what I want today!"

Goodness I'm getting a little bit thirsty!

Check back in later today; preferably with a caramel mocha in hand! ;)

Life's Mysteries

Life is a mystery.

Have you ever opened a box of Cracker Jacks and wished so badly that they would have placed the prize at the surface? What a pain it is to have to dig through all of the content {{while getting your hands sticky in the meantime}} in order to reach the prize. It's like the stuffed animal vending machine. How many attempts does it take for it to no longer slip through what you thought was a good grip? There's nothing worse than feeling like you've missed the mark. Oh how frustrated we become when we feel that the mark is so far out of reach and the prize will never be surfaced.

Life is a mystery.

Like a little child anxiously awaiting the arrival of the day when the pine-scented room filled with wrapped up boxes, with gold bows that sat in utter stillness for a month could finally be unleashed and exposed. I feel like a little kid at Christmas time saying, "Jesus, when can I finally open the present? Why does it have to remain a mystery for so long?" I'm so tired of shaking the box wondering what's inside. But I know if I try to peek, then the mystery is no longer extant and soon becomes a dream awakened too soon, a vision not fully birthed, or a caterpillar escaping its cocoon far too early. Soon enough the anxious child then hears her father say, "My child be patient; wait just a little while longer. I desire to give you gifts you've never dreamed of. I possess surprises for you beyond your imagination. But if you try to guess, then you ruin the mystery of all that I've been working on. Just wait; you're going to love it!"

Life is a mystery that at times frustrates me to my core. But if the prize was surfaced, then all of the content that the box entails would be instantaneously forgotten. The content is what makes the prize that much more exciting. The anticipation makes all of the digging and searching a vital process that then makes the gift later revealed a much more precious treasure. Life is a mystery that I dare not try to figure out. I just keep on digging and plugging away. One day that prize will be worth the content I endured.

I love the mystery of life.

God's wings

Yesterday's blog was my heart and still in many ways feels like my story. It's pretty cloudy today but as much as the weather tells me to frown and curl up in a ball, contrary to popular belief, my soul is telling me to rejoice. I want my rain gear so badly but instead I am going to run to a safe shelter - a hideaway spot that doesn't dismiss the rain itself but simply protects me from its impairment.

A friend reminded me yesterday of something so simple yet so profound and true for our lives in every moment. And she said just this: "Did you know that a mother hen doesn't chase after her chicks when there is danger? She simply spreads her wings and her chicks are to come to her." Wow! Have I missed the entire point of my heavenly father and his role within my life or what? This creator, this God, this savior, this friend that sent his son to DIE on a cross for ME desires to protect me. I fail every minute of everyday, I miss the mark at times, I look for self-gratification, I expect others to fulfill me, I frantically thumb through life looking for joy and yet He still wants me back. And this father that sees me in harms way at times in my life doesn't run after me but simply makes Himself available as if to say, "My child, I'm right here; my arms are opened. Come. You know I'm accessible, now just trust that I can and will protect you."

I want God to cover me with his wings. I want my life to be protected with His hand and His hand alone upon it.

I hate rain; I need shelter

Today I want nothing more than to feel God's presence. Our pastor has been doing a series on Sundays about "Recognizing His Presence". If I were to look back at all the moments in my life when I felt as though all was in utter chaos and disarray, I would soon find the missing links lying nearby. Those links can be a result of my lack of trust in my heavenly father and caretaker. Yes, life is harrowing at times and there are seasons where it feels as though the disappointments come in like a flood. However, those seasons that I felt the emptiness the most, were the moments when I simply lacked the effort to recognize His presence amid my circumstances.

I hate rain.

When it's raining outside, the last thing I want to do is be out in it. If you step out into the nasty, wet climate, you're usually prone to get soggy bottoms around the edge of your jeans, and nearly catch a cold if you don't dry off soon enough afterward. And well you can just forget about those torrential downpours because an umbrella is useless and you might as well just jump right in a puddle and encourage it even more.

I hate rain.

I hate the rain that is unless I have good shelter. Sometimes rain boots, umbrellas, and jackets don't always protect. If I really want to stay dry, I have to go inside and find shelter. On those days when I'm smart and stay in, I usually take it a step further and snuggle up in the comfort of my pillows and quilt and listen to the noise going on outside as the drops pound upon my rooftop. I don't mind the rain when I'm surrounded by shelter and although I know it's still going on around me, I have given myself ample distance from it's direct contact.

Much of my life in certain seasons has felt like a dreadful day of rubber boots and a jumbo umbrella just trying to dodge the puddles and keep the wet drops to a minimum. I look at my situations and all I see is an overcast sky and tons of rain. So I put on my gear, try to put a smile on my face while walking through this mess and then waiting for the evident effects to subside. I find myself walking through the rain in my life all alone, while forgetting the shelter nearby. I grab what I think is sufficient to get through it and begin striving on my own strength yet all I find in the end are a pair of wet jeans and a cold soul just dying to dry up and feel warmth again.

Psalm 91 says,

¹ Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

² I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust.”

³ Surely he will save you

from the fowler’s snare

and from the deadly pestilence.

⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,

and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,

nor the arrow that flies by day,

⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

nor the plague that destroys at midday.

⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,

ten thousand at your right hand,

but it will not come near you.

⁸ You will only observe with your eyes

and see the punishment of the wicked.

⁹ If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,”

and you make the Most High your dwelling,

¹⁰ no harm will overtake you,

no disaster will come near your tent.

¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you

to guard you in all your ways;

¹² they will lift you up in their hands,

so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

¹³ You will tread on the lion and the cobra;

you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

¹⁴ “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;

I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

¹⁵ He will call on me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble,

I will deliver him and honor him.

¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him

and show him my salvation.”

My shelter was so nearby but I was too stubborn and tried to do it on my own strength. But just as I stay dry in a rain storm when I simply go inside and listen to the rain from inside my house, God desires to cover and protect me in that same way. Today I feel the rain in my life and I want nothing more than to stay inside and not get wet. I will run to my heavenly father who will keep me enough at a distance to know that the pain still exists but I don't have to go through it alone. I find protection and comfort when I run to the shelter of the most high. I only hate the rain when I have to go out in it alone!

Artsy Fartsy

I almost cringed in disgust as I filled out the title above for this post. The second word of my title which I dare not repeat is a word I was never allowed to say as a child and growing up in my home. I was taught to speak and act like a lady and I'm sure many who are reading this {{ladies}} are probably laughing. Don't worry, I'm pointing no fingers and you don't have to watch your words around me. But now that I am and "adult" and I have more free will in my vocabulary, I still hate to say the word I still won't restate. However, this title is fitting and well Mom, if you're reading this, please forgive me and know my intentions were true. :)

I want to be more artsy.

Being artsy doesn't necessarily mean having a more creative eye. Sometimes being artsy is simply an expensive pastime. If I want to paint, I have to purchase more canvases, paint, and new brushes. If I desire to start up a new crafty hobby, then I must get all of the materials and empty out my weekly funds.

Being artsy is expensive!

So here are a few little projects in the next year I would like to begin doing:

1. Cake decorating {{Fondant focused}}

2. Encaustic Painting

3. Repaint my dresser and make look more vintage

4. Jewelry making

5. Quilling

6. Making homemade paper

7. Learn calligraphy

8. Sewing {{and not just a loose button}}

I'm sure there are many more I could add to this list but these are the first few that came to mind. In the meantime, I came home yesterday and had this sudden urge to rearrange my entire room. Keep in mind that my room is not exactly large and has a full size bed,2 dressers, a bookshelf and a desk crammed in it. My options were pretty limited. What was I to do?!!! So my rearranging began around 11:30 a.m. and was finally complete at 9 p.m. {{with breaks in between of course}} There are still many changes I'd like to make but for now, this is much more fitting. Here are some before & after shots.

Take a little peek. I know you're tempted. :)

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

AND MY FUN LITTLE PHOTO DISPLAY :)

Thanks for stopping by! :)

Blissful gloom

Today was a fairly gloomy day. It felt like nighttime at 3 p.m. and the constant drizzle of precipitation was enough to make anyone a bit despondent. But today that was not the case for me. I'll admit there was a slight hesitation when I heard the redundant annoyance of my phone alarm at 6:45 a.m. But aside from my natural inclination to pull the covers over my head and ignore life's daily demands, I had quite a wonderful day. If I were to give you a play by play of everything that occurred, it would be nothing out of the ordinary, yet today felt extraordinary. Today I was more grateful than usual for my warm cup of morning coffee. When I looked out the window at the dusky sky, I was rather pleased with a day of bleak solitude. I'll even admit to being grateful for something as unspiritual as morning new shows the Rachael Ray cooking show. {{It's the simple things in life that are sometimes the most elaborate in our minds}} I felt motivated in ways that I hadn't in so long. I felt peace that sometimes I find myself to be lacking. I had hope in the middle of my war zone of a mind distraction. I'm not really sure why today was different from all other days, it just simply was. Today I felt so thankful for a chance to live and breathe, to live a life serving my creator.

Today was a blissful gloom.

Life & Dry Bones

This place feels so unfamiliar; my words a tad bit rusty. I haven't written in a while and I have many great excuses to make sense of it all. Rather than rehash on my blog what's already been taken note of on my mental sticky, I'll just explain my journey as of late.

I am a planner. I'm spontaneous. But I like routine. I'd classify myself as a night owl. But in the mornings I reap the benefits. ;) I can tend to be over-analytical. I'm pensive.

I. Hate. The. Unknown.

Life is full of unknowns. I suppose I'm not the first to desire to have it all "figured out". I've been convicted lately; I don't always trust God when I should. "But what about this bill Lord? What if I'm not good enough? What if I don't make the right decision? How is this going to work out?" The questions run endless like a broken record in monotonous redundancy.

I. Don't. Always. Trust. God.

Then I find that my questions occur most when I begin to place my trust in man - what a terrifying habit we so often make. Just when I think I've got it all figured out, I'm reminded that no-one outside of the Lord can be my single source of joy. No geographical location is going to cure sadness, no objects will dismiss my pain, no person will cure my dissatisfaction.

I. Need. God.

Tomorrow night in our youth group at my home church, I have been given the opportunity to preach a salvation message. I am going to be preaching out of Ezekiel 37 on the message of "The Valley of Dry Bones". A friend of mine in Florida spoke on this in her youth group and the message just gripped me.

Ezekiel 37:1-14 says this...

1 The hand of the LORD was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the LORD and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. 2 He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. 3 He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”

I said, “Sovereign LORD, you alone know.”

4 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! 5 This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath^[a^] enter you, and you will come to life. 6 I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.’”

7 So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. 8 I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

9 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” 10 So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

11 Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ 12 Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. 13 Then you, my people, will know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. 14 I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the LORD have spoken, and I have done it, declares the LORD.’”

I have become a pile of dry bones. I have grown weary. I have forgotten the power of God's love and His grace in my life. I have lacked tendons, skin, and breath within me. Who are we to walk away from our creator? How ignorant at times for me to believe that I can do it on my own. That which created me is concerned for me and desires to live inside of me. May I never become a pile of dry bones again. Even if in a valley, I will walk with breath and life inside of me!