I happened upon some strangers yesterday. Nothing extraordinary about that encounter I suppose. But something about this run-in made the ordinary quite different this time.
It's interesting what you'll learn when gaining insight into another's world. Some freely share information that any within walking distance could hear. I felt guilty for having just learned their entire life story but more saddened by what they had made of this life.
I was made aware of the cheapness they had made of their life as they lessened women to an attraction and quick means to satisfaction for their carnal desires. They spoke with brash and harsh language and acted as though this life almost owed them everything. Again, I was saddened.
I felt like I was back in high school when boys (and girls included) would speak in degrading ways and not just degrade others but lose respect for themselves by how they acted and the way in which they spoke. I was never the popular kid but I definitely never felt like I quite fit in. I was the "church girl" so deep down I felt as though they respected me for it though they would purposefully leave me out of things because they knew it wasn't "my cup of tea".
In the long run I suppose I owe a thanks to them for respecting my personal convictions.
It wasn't easy then and it definitely isn't easy now.
Somehow I supposed I believed in the greater good and hoped for the best. I assumed as you got older, people got wiser and I don't know, grew up. But it's not any easier.
I work in a Christian environment where my co-workers believe the best for my life and I actually get to pray with them in meetings. It's tough when you step outside of that to remember how soiled this world truly is and if you're not careful, you're no better than the rest.
The difference in a soiled soul and a pure one? Grace.
I'm truly no better than those strangers I happened upon by chance. I just accepted his grace. Tomorrow I'll need it again and the next day, and the next.
I hope for a world who not just feels a love like I do but truly gets it. His unrelenting pursuit that surpasses mankind's attempt at its best. And I hope that in my attempts, I can even but scrape the surface of what it means to truly love relentlessly.
I hope one day those strangers find a love one day that is real. Perhaps I'm ashamed for having not shown them to it.
I exchanged valuable conversation with a dear friend a few days ago in which she relinquished some inspiring pieces and I graciously jumped on board. In a book meant for the world's idea of "lovers", though struck by the desire to find similar encounters, I found it highly parallel to the Lord's love for his people.
The book is a man's definition of words through the eyes of himself toward his lover but I find great parallels among its pages of the ways in which the Lord loves us. This word's definition particularly grabbed my by the throat...
Dumbfounded.
"And still, for all the jealousy, all the doubt, sometimes I will be struck with a kind of awe that we're together. That someone like me could find someone like you -- it renders me wordless. Because surely words would conspire against such luck, would protest the unlikelihood of such a turn of events. I didn't tell any of my friends about our first date. I waited until after the second, because I wanted to make sure it was real. I wouldn't believe it had happened until it had happened again. Then, later on, I would be overwhelmed by the evidence, by all the lines connecting you to me, and us to love."
-David Levithan
Thank you Lord for loving me more and more each day. I'm still in awe that you chose me! Most would still think it's crazy that a man as wonderful as you has not yet given up on me. But I, I don't. It did take me a while to connect the dots and believe it was real. It took a lot of pursuing on your end. But I'm so grateful you didn't give up.
I'm dumfounded.
